Acceptance

14^th December, 2007

Marion is coming in this morning to help me wash etc. She wants to take me out for lunch at the pub on the corner. The village of Moggerhanger is so pretty, I would love to be able to just get up and go for a stroll. I am a little apprehensive about going out.

I felt good in the open air, but in the pub I had a hot flush and began to feel light headed. It wasn’t that bad as I did manage to finish my pudding – Treacle sponge and custard. On the way back in the chair I felt desperately unwell and just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.

I find myself thinking today about the acceptance of the fact I am dying. Everything seems to be slowing right down. The hair on my legs has very little growth and I have not had a period for several months. I am constantly tired and could sleep all day. I realise I have don’t have much longer and this is not meant to sound pessimistic, as I am not going to give in without a fight.

Whilst writing this, Tony, Heather’s boyfriend came wanting to read some poetry and then he read me some more of my book. I’ve never spoken much to Tony before, but ironically out of all of my friends he seems be much more aware that I need a lot of rest and doesn’t expect conversation.