The value of being me

Andy, August 2nd 2006

29^th October, 2007

Had another good day! Heather and Marion both visited and have made me see the value of being ME! Thank you both so much.

Today is the start of the last part of my life, which I am going to enjoy – being with mum and dad, Jue, John, Ash and Barnie and ALL my friends. I don’t feel like I have a few weeks left anymore*. I do feel like I have the time to be a bit more productive. I will use this time to grab hold of every moment and try to show EVERYONE that it IS possible to have a dignified, even happy death. I know there will be good and bad days, but most importantly there is time to do and say what I want to.

We all have to die, but I seem to have been given the chance to do this at my pace and where I want (as long as pain control remains as it is). I just want all of you who love me to know that it has been a privilege to know you, love you, work with you – whatever with you... I will take all of your memories with me and smile at you from wherever I go.

*Andrea is referring to the prognosis she was initially given after her emergency admission to the Isobel Hospice, where constant pain had worn her down and they tentatively suggested no more than a few weeks. Just goes to show that no one really knows and Dr’s are not psychic. My advice, try not to fixate on how long is left (easier to say than do), and keep making plans. One of Andrea’s biggest fears was being left to die alone, being forgotten. A person who is dying still wants to do and take part in all the things that have defined their lives up to this moment. Andrea and I planned various projects, including a photo album of our family. Both she and I wrote comments and captions under the pictures and it also made us remember our childhood; we laughed a lot. I was not the beautiful swan I am today (vain, me?), unlike Pandy, who was blonde a beautiful from day one.