I feel good!

28^th October, 2007

04:00 – C had borrowed a gown and mortar board for me, so we could hold the degree ceremony. The actually ceremony is not for a few months, but by doing the photos at Jue’s house has made it real for mum and dad and me. C even had the real certificate mounted.

11:40 – feeling incredibly positive and amazingly well today! My bottom still feels like it is about to fall off, but not in a painful way. My R leg comes and goes, BUT I DO FEEL FOR SOME REASON SO MUCH MORE LIKE ME!

I actually feel today like I could live longer than just a few weeks. I cannot wait to go back home, to be with Jue and John and the kids.

JK came down yesterday, I had wanted to see him, just close that part of my life. Despite everything he does seem happy, with work still dominating his life! He hasn’t changed a bit.

When I feel this good, I feel at odds with being in a hospice and that I am wasting a bed and all the care they give me. I really want this part of my life to be of purpose and use, within certain limitations. I will try to take a photo of something or someone that allows me to leave some of me behind and write a bit about it*.

I really cannot describe to you how different I feel today. The gloom that had come over me, which I think a lot of was fear appears to have lifted. I think that’s in part due to going home yesterday and being in my room at Jue’s house surrounded by my things. There is so much to life, which I have just taken for granted, assuming it would always be there.

The red leaves swirling and feeling the autumn air on my skin is glorious!

With the help of Heather, Andrea chose a photo from her travels for me and John and mum and dad and got them framed– on the back of each one is a special message. Mine told me to follow my dreams and I am!